I, My, Me, Mine, Myself

When I have people I am comfortable with around, I am being me; too comfortable that my mom frequently have to "remind" me that I'm a grown-up.

I talk much once I start.
I move a lot, I have problem with staying still, especially when I talk.

Going out visiting places is not necessary for me as I can stay in my room the whole day, just lying on my bed, reading books, watching movies, listening to music.

I tend to overreact when got shocked.
I am easily amazed by others' skill.
I perceive that my art skill is below so-so.
I can swear, luckily I still know where and where to stop.
I can eat the food right after taking it out from the fridge, as long as it's not frozen yah.
I eat with one of my leg lifted to the chair, fortunately I am still aware of when to sit properly.
I start to sing, or at least hum, once the shower is on.
I judge people at the first impression and 'see through' whether I can get along with them in the future.
I am easily distracted when I feel bored.
I continually overthink when deciding.
I habitually curse one's cruelty yet doubt one's kindness.
I realize that I am more people-oriented than goal-oriented.
I would rather console others than being consoled.
I customarily choose to retreat rather than to confront.
I will stay quiet with my mind spinning around when I have problem.
I am often clueless to differentiate between joke and serious talk, thus I joke less just to make sure I won't hurt others with the same cluelessness.

I prefer flats to heels, as I can walk faster.
I prefer sneakers to flats, as I can run.
I prefer pants to skirts, as I can sit more comfortably.
I prefer going out bare face to having make up on, as I can simply clean my face after a long day.
I prefer driving to riding, as I can't ride bicycle.
I prefer driving minivans/SUV to sedans, as I can look taller and people won't think I'm an underage driver.
I prefer ordering the same menu to trying new menus, as I dislike to think hard to choose.

Movie-After-Effect Writing: To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

Okheii, yeah, I’m back.

So, it’s just another random desire to write late night, you know, after movies.

Just finished watching To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Well, to be honest it wasn’t really in my top list in the first hand, but then it nailed. I went through pages of movies reference yesterday midnight and I found this movie after scrolling long list of horror movies on the pages. I did plan to grab the trilogy after I finished my Rainbow Rowell actually, but only after I watched the movie version of the first book. I was not really expecting it to be will-remain-in-my-mind-for-sometime type, yet it is!

It encourages me to grab the other two of the trilogy right after my payday this month!

Okay, I won't write you the synopsis here, or retell incase you’ve watched it and have the same after effect like me. Hahaahahhh…

Well . . . there, I can name the type of this movie as a slice-of-my-life. In the middle of watching, I was like… O God, I feel like reflecting myself! Is that what happened to Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky, actually happening to young ladies and gents in real life or it’s only me that think . . . , only me *amused with my two index fingers pointing on me*, not to mention again that Lara Jean was called LJ LJ LJ. I think I wrote about me being called LJ by Mr Paul, didn’t I? Well it stands for Lady Jane..Ooo.. I miss him so.

There were scenes where LJ, played by Lara Condor, and PK, played by Noah Centineo, had some deep talk about this and that, and the pauses in those talks kinda made me crazy grrrooooaahhhh. I was like recollecting mine! Just! Not to make it going anywhere, I’ll just share about the during and after effect of the movie. Noah made me think that this English speaking guy is a much more loveable than K-Drama Oppa. Lemme repeat, those Oppas I’ve been watching on dramas are nothing compare to Peter in that movie (Mianhae Oppas, I’m under influence of PK). You must be asking why why why huh . . . I’d been wondering throughout the movie too, and I do have the answer now, I can tell you. Really, it’s like shaping my standard for the gents. Hahhahhh.

PK got that deep & gentle voice, had the gut to take initiatives, he listened (and talked), and plus he drove; Come on, any guys don’t drive this day? You gotta learn if you don’t. Note this please, I’m not talking about the vehicle, okay? It’s about the ability, ability to drive, not the car. Well, it will be jackpot for me if it is told that PK sang >o<. If you watch the movie yourself you gotta realize the tone of the two lead actors’ voice. They both talked with ‘that’ low and deep voice for the scenes where they only had each other.

O God! I frantically wanna have someone with that deep and manly voice!

Gees! I still can't forget how PK sounded every time he came to LJ, how the first word always started with warm deep voice and both eyes looking straight to LJ’s (ahhh.. I can't do this. I think I have problem with close eye contact. Thus! I tend to avoid for-two-awkward-questions). Co cwiewtt! I wonder if boys can be crazy of soft and girly voice too XD.

I personally don’t know whether I will like the book or even interested to read the rest of Jenny Han’s if I didn’t watch the movie first. However, I do admit that trilogy, tetralogy, pentalogy (and so on logies) film adaptations help reader to visualize the characters and it makes reading a lot more fun.

The second last line of PK in the film: You gotta trust . . . *with 'that' deep and manly voice I'm under influence  of*

Random Midnight Talk

Knowing the Paris of my childhood, Emma Watson sang in Beauty & The Beast, and I sang,”Looking at the picture of my childhood”.

Why am I looking at my childhood pics? My mom snapped some of my childhood photos and Whatsapp them to me. Was I that unbearable cute? Not really, yet I was cuter than the present-me ^v^. Let me draw you a bit of how I looked back then. I got the typical girl-toddler-short-hair which often tied like a beansprout, chubby cheeks, 2-rabbit-teeth, and I have always got dark skin. You can never find any single fair-skinned Jane posing and smiling to the camera. My mom blames the expensive chocolate and coffee she always craved for when she had me. It is said that it is good to consume soy milk during pregnancy, but not for my mom that time; Hardly can she drink it as it caused her to feel nauseous. So, instead of consuming bright-coloured items, she craved for dark-coloured items which she said determined my skin tone. Well . . ., please, just don’t buy in her idea. They aren’t supposed to be associated, at all.

Everyone got their own story, struggling on their own fight, and got shaped by all of that. I, myself, too, have the kind of ingredients which baked me to be what I am. Sometimes I wonder, what if my mom didn’t meet my dad, what if they didn’t get attracted to each other, what if they didn’t do it that time, what if my mom didn’t keep me and chose to have me aborted, what if my dad left my mom when he found out that she had me, what if my mom left my dad when he made mistake, what if they divorced after the heavy argument those nights. Above all those what ifs, I am grateful that they kept me, fed me, took care of me; that they let me live. Above all those other struggling I’ve been through, I am tremendously grateful by all the false timing my parents had me.

You might find it savage, yet I am still grateful that now I can go through my childhood photo album because my parents had me not in their right time, because I was there far before I should be there.

Fifty-Fifty Makes 100 Too

Wokheii . . . !

It’s been a really serious while since my last chitchat post.

Today I bring up a kinda sensitive topic. I came to this topic after my weeks watching Crazy Rich Asians, and then went on with reading the second and third book. When I was reading the second book, I did some reading about the “Yellow” thing that had been mentioned over and over in articles relating to Crazy Rich Asians, did some so-called research about it in websites just to calm my curiosity down. And I was so satisfied! I fed myself with new food J. As additional, I watched some interviews of the actors. The interesting thing is that there would always be questions about how it was to be an Asian-half-blood, living in the-other-half-blood country, of how it is to be born and even grew up there, but still couldn’t be seen completely as “part of the nation”. They did admit that there would always be barrier; being seen differently and alienated from the “pure-blood”.

This doesn’t just happen at the-other-half-blood country. In Asia, back to their Asian-half-blood country, where they are not accustomed to the language, norms, and habits, they surely are easy to be pointed out from an all-asian crowd; seen as “not part of the nation”, again.

The same thing happens to me and other parties that are similar to me in the perspective I’m going to picture later on.

I was born in Indonesia, and of a Chinese descent. Lots of story can be found about this Indonesian of Chinese descent. Okay back to the initial topic of being seen “half-blood”, Indonesian of Chinese descent got the indistinguishable issue as the Asian-American did. I, myself, identify myself as an Indonesian since I was born in Indonesia, from Indonesia citizen parents, I’ve got Indonesian Identity Card, Indonesian passport, what else? I am a completely registered citizen of Indonesia, dude.

My own experience, and may be of some other Indonesian of Chinese descent too, is a bit disappointing. I meant, because I am Indonesian and I have Chinese ancestor, I got this story to tell (No offense please). I was mocked of being Chinese descent with the call “Cina”. Well, in case you are new to this, the word “Cina” in Indonesia has pejorative meaning which corners the Indonesian of Chinese descent of not being “pure” Indonesian, being distinguished from the indigenous. There was a couple occurrence where some random not-yet-enlightened guys yelled at us “Cina! Kelen cuma numpang!” (whew, sounds so rude) or the other yelling, “Go back to your country!”, and I was like Wait, what? I’m still in Indonesia, aren’t I? I’m in my home country, and in my hometown, dude! I should have shown him my identity card #hiuuhhh. Those people are so far left behind that they still see Indonesian of foreign origin as “mudblood”, come on~~.

Having Chinese ancestors doesn’t mean that I am not Indonesian, and that I should be seen as “different kind of animal”. In fact, it has been said that being born from Indonesian citizen (and even for my case it is from the both-Indonesia-citizen couple), despite of their race, ethnicity or religious background will include you as Indonesian. Well, not just Indonesian with Chinese ancestry, it also happen to those with India and other race ancestry. I’m telling about the Chinese just because I am the Chinese version sample.

Indonesian of foreign descent and American of Asian descent are surely having this feeling of confusion: I was born here but I am not fully accepted here. Look back to my descent, I can't count myself in to them too since I am neither born nor live with the custom. I speak in language of my motherland even more fluently than language of my descent.

And, as Indonesian, I believe our youngsters are more well-educated and have learnt to see Indonesia as a diversed and colourful country that no longer differentiating “pribumi” and “non-pribumi”. I am happy that generation of my peer is now aware of the multicultural beings and even bring them up in more positive ways to make sure that this diversity will strengthen our unity.

Lastly, I’m closing this chitchat by saying: I am not staying in Indonesia. I live in Indonesia.

A Lament of The Leaves

. . . and another leaf has fallen.

Watching the leaves fall one by one,
this one leaf here is feeling scared too.
Wondering when another leaf is going to fall.
Wondering when it is its turn to fall.

This one leaf here may look strong enough to stay where it is.
Still, sometimes it is too scared to show its fright.
Too worry that the other leaves will doubt themselves too.
Too worry that they will easily be blown by mild wind.

Who knows if each leaf has its own concern about being blown away by the even-mildest wind.
At the end,
who will ever know which leaf is going to give up on trying and choose to fall instead . . .

Free Home Leave

Baru-baru ini aku dikirim untuk dinas ke Medan. Singkat cerita, aku punya kesempatan untuk dinas sambil balik kampung. Di kepulanganku kali ini, kebetulan bersamaan dengan kepulangan sepupu-sepupuku yang bekerja di Jakarta, dan juga kunjungan tanteku yang nomor dua yang sudah lama migrasi ke Jakarta. Selain itu, I got to experienced ngopi-ngopi tjakep setelah pulang kerja, terjebak macet dalam perjalanan ke kantor, lunch time, dan sepulang kantor dan lainnya. Yet, to be honest, I prefer my current life in my current place. Di Medan tuh, jalanan macet, suara klakson dimana-mana, banyak beca ugal-ugalan, belum lagi ditambah supir-supir angkot yang latihan audisi fast furious, dan bonus jalanan berlubang yang bertebaran. Tapi yaa walaupun begitu, Medan tetap tujuan mudiknya aku . . .

Unlike the title of this post yang terdengar menyenangkan, not lots of exciting thing happened. Sebaliknya aku lebih banyak “tersadar”, like, God! So this is what people mean by We are too busy of being adult, and we forget that they are getting old too.

Imma remind you that later of this post will be deep serious talk. 

I really see that it is happening to me and my family. I heard my aunty kept nagging about how her muscles are getting stiff, how she can’t even squad anymore, and so on. My dad did shock me too. It was bed time and when I was almost asleep, I heard my dad started to chant. He kept mentioning the chanting mantra without answering when I asked. Can you imagine how surprised and worried I was that time?? Minutes before, he was watching Youtube and out of sudden, he got out of the bed and started to chant aloud, and went on without pausing just to answer my question. I tailed him till the ground floor and waited for him while he prayed. He lit the incense stick and started to pray. I heard what he was praying for and found out that he felt uncomfortable with his heart beat. Well, I don’t know what kind of ‘uncomfortable’ was it as he refused to explain more when I asked.

I couldn’t sleep that night; I was too afraid that something might happen. I searched for nearest Emergency Unit and saved the number. I looked up on internet for heart attack first aid, and other related things. I was kinda disappointed too, just wondering why my dad didn’t even wake anyone to accompany him to pray, that he chose to chant and pray rather than to seek for help first. What if next time none saw him and he fainted and fell down the stairs??

The next day I visited my uncle and found out that he got an incident that past few days. He intended to buy something at the minimarket when he suddenly lost his balance and fell at the entrance of the store. He fell on his face, resulted in his nose bleeding and his right arm got severe bruise from knocking something. After the incident, he barely told his wife about the incident and still continued his work till close to midnight. My aunt realised something wrong when my uncle groaned in pain while taking off his shirt for shower. He then told her about the incident; only when my aunt asked him. Same, I wondered why they kept it for themselves. Ooo.. Please gentlemen, it doesn’t mean that you are weak if you tell others about your condition!

Other than that, in this three weeks time, six people of my surroundings passed away, another young two fell ill out of the blue. Life is way too unexpected this lately. Or is it me that didn’t learn how unexpected this life should be? Telling people about this may appear as attention seeking; Keeping it for myself will drag me even more in my own silence. I am just . . . having this . . . extreme indescribable fright. This, too, shall pass, shan't it?

Part 3 : Ke Mak Chua Ke Kia Khi Kiakia (Induk Ayam Bawa Anak Ayam Pergi Jalan-Jalan)

Peringatan : Cuma cerita pengalaman. Bukan review seorang traveler, no food / destination review, price, or even ratings. Belum cukup jago untuk buat review soalnya. Hahahahhhh

 

Di hari kedua kami di KL, kami jalan lagi. Yes, walk. Agenda kami pada hari kedua itu adalah mengunjungi Aquaria KLCC. Dari Pasar Seni, kami naik MRT ke Bukit Bintang. Again, katrok.com mode on. Singkat cerita kami berhasil sampai di stasiun MRT Bukti Bintang tanpa ada yang tersesat. Kami keluar menuju Pavilion, karena kebetulan ada titipan teman yang perlu dibeli. Di sepanjang jalan menuju Pavilion dipenuhi pusat perbelanjaan. Rame deh.

Jadwal yang dibuat Si Mama hari itu adalah belanja di Daiso, ke Aquaria, ke Menara Kembar untuk foto lampu cantik. Jadilah setelah makan siang kami belanja gila-gilaan di Daiso, ini mau itu mau. Hasil belanjaan kami adalah seplastik besar 64 aitem barang-barang 5,57 ringgit. Total belanjaan kami sekitar 1,2 juta, dan kami titipkan di Daiso supaya ga perlu kami angkat-angkat sampai ke Twin Tower.

Lepas dari Daiso, kami singgah ke outlet Innisfree untuk membeli titipan teman, duduk sebentar di Snowflake, lalu pergi ke Aquaria. Lagi-lagi kami jalan, dari Pavilion ke KLCC. Ya walaupun ada connecting bridge gitu yah, tapi tetap aja jauhnya cuyyy, ga ketolongan. Keliling di Aquaria juga lumayan lama, berdiri dan jalan seharian. Masih belum selesai. We still had one more agenda, the Twin Tower.

Selesai dari Aquaria, kami jalan sampai ke taman di depan Suria KLCC. Sambil menunggu lampunya dihidupkan, kami mengambil beberapa foto. Si Mama kurang puas dengan fotonya karena posisi kami di Suria KLCC, membelakangi Twin Towernya. No! I'm not going. You go yourself. Adek-adek gua juga udah capek jalan. Emak gua juga udah capek jalan sih sebenarnya, tapi demi foto di depan Twin Tower, dia rela. White flag. I’ll stay here. not moving!

Aku cari cara supaya dapat angle yang bagus, dengan jarak segitu, gimana caranya bisa terambil foto sampai ke puncak menara. Jungkir-jungkir aku set anglenya. Akhirnya nemu, barulah Si Mama berhenti ‘merengek’ mau ke depan Twin Tower. Ternyata selama aku cari-cari sudut untuk foto, ga sadar kalau lampu menara uda mulai dihidupkan. Pas lah. Selesai foto menara, kami hendak balik ke Pavilion untuk menjemput barang di Daiso. Eh tau-tau, lampu di kolam Suria KLCC udah hidup. Jadilah Si Mama minta foto-foto lagi. Ya ampun.

 Setelah Si Mama benar-benar puas dengan fotonya, kami benar-benar jalan balik ke Pavilion. Note that, jalan, lagi. Kami kembali menyusuri jembatan yang panjangnya ga karuan. Sorry legs, thanks for your support. Sampai di Pavilion, kami dihadapkan dengan masalah lain, kami lupa letak Daiso-nya! Lihatlah seberapa anehnya kami nih.

Mengingat Si Mama dan adikku yang paling kecil jalannya super lambat, kami split deh. Si Mama dan Yasmine pergi cari pintu awal kami masuk. Aku dan Shani balik ke Daiso untuk menjemput barang. Boleh dibilang kami agak tersesat. HP ga bisa dipakai karena yang ada SIM card hanya punya Shani, di sana juga ga ada wifi. We took the risk to split. Aku sama Shani keliling sana kemari dan akhirnya menemukan ad board bertuliskan Tokyo Street, di situ letak Daiso-nya.

Tantangan kami selanjutnya adalah menuju ke pintu tempat kami janjian. Kami sudah membuat rencana, kalau-kalau Si Mama dan Yasmine ga ada di sana, kami akan request pengumuman ke konter informasi.

Kepada Asien dan anaknya yang bontot, mohon minta bantuan sekuriti terdekat untuk diantarkan ke bagian informasi.

Untungnya pengumuman ini ga sempat berkumandang di Pavilion karena ternyata mereka berdua sudah menunggu kami di pintu yang kami tuju. Ringan langsung hidup ini rasanya. Kami segera menuju stasiun MRT untuk kembali ke hotel dan istirahat untuk kepulangan keesokan harinya.

~ ~ ~

 

Let me resume, liburan kami didominasi kunjungan ke temple dan jalan kaki. The most visited destination is temple. Di Penang kami mengunjungi 3 temple, di Hat Yai 2 temple, di KL 1 temple. Yang paling banyak membuat kami jalan adalah Kek Lok Si Temple (Penang), Hat Yai Municipal Park (Hat Yai)  dan Chin Swee Temple (KL), namun aku akuin viewnya keren banget. Lokasi dan suasananya semuanya tjakepss. Jalan kaki paling melelahkan, jatuh kepada jalan-jalan kami di Bukit Bintang.

Jalan kaki paling melelahkan di Bukit Bintang

 
And here are some extra snapshots of us . . .

View from lower balcony, Kek Lok Si

Normal photo is taboo for us (1), Kek Lok Si

View from highest balcony, Kek Lok Si

Normal photo is taboo for us (2), Batu Ferringhi

Samila Beach

Shells, Samila Beach

Tuk Tuk

Red Planet, Hat Yai

Normal pose is taboo for us (3), Hat Yai

Panorama View of Chin Swee Temple, Genting

Chin Swee Temple, Genting

Shifu ~ ~

Sa Wu Jing  & Zhu Ba Jie

Twin Tower