Random Midnight Talk

Knowing the Paris of my childhood, Emma Watson sang in Beauty & The Beast, and I sang,”Looking at the picture of my childhood”.

Why am I looking at my childhood pics? My mom snapped some of my childhood photos and Whatsapp them to me. Was I that unbearable cute? Not really, yet I was cuter than the present-me ^v^. Let me draw you a bit of how I looked back then. I got the typical girl-toddler-short-hair which often tied like a beansprout, chubby cheeks, 2-rabbit-teeth, and I have always got dark skin. You can never find any single fair-skinned Jane posing and smiling to the camera. My mom blames the expensive chocolate and coffee she always craved for when she had me. It is said that it is good to consume soy milk during pregnancy, but not for my mom that time; Hardly can she drink it as it caused her to feel nauseous. So, instead of consuming bright-coloured items, she craved for dark-coloured items which she said determined my skin tone. Well . . ., please, just don’t buy in her idea. They aren’t supposed to be associated, at all.

Everyone got their own story, struggling on their own fight, and got shaped by all of that. I, myself, too, have the kind of ingredients which baked me to be what I am. Sometimes I wonder, what if my mom didn’t meet my dad, what if they didn’t get attracted to each other, what if they didn’t do it that time, what if my mom didn’t keep me and chose to have me aborted, what if my dad left my mom when he found out that she had me, what if my mom left my dad when he made mistake, what if they divorced after the heavy argument those nights. Above all those what ifs, I am grateful that they kept me, fed me, took care of me; that they let me live. Above all those other struggling I’ve been through, I am tremendously grateful by all the false timing my parents had me.

You might find it savage, yet I am still grateful that now I can go through my childhood photo album because my parents had me not in their right time, because I was there far before I should be there.